Life is full of many wonderful experiences. Oftentimes, a highlight amongst them, is the experience of marriage. As most people begin their new journey with the love of their lives, they hardly give any thought to the idea of what could possibly go wrong. However, the pain of divorce is a reality that many couples are faced with along the way.
Getting a divorce can be one of the most challenging life experiences a person can go through. Even if you’re the partner who took the initiative to end the marriage, is very unlikely to move through separation without feeling a range of very challenging emotions. After all, you created an entire life rhythm with someone we loved. Reliable routines, habits, and lifestyle choices are hard to change.
During this period, it’s not uncommon to have contradictory feelings and all sorts of emotions. You can wake up feeling relieved and empty at the same time. It’s important to acknowledge their wide range, without guilt for the ebbing and flowing from one to the next. With any big change, a sense of confusion is normal.
One of the first things we do is try to assign blame. Blaming yourself or blaming your ex can happen and it’s normal to think about what went wrong. It’s important to understand, though, where these thoughts are coming from and deal with them. We all know that there is always two sides to every story, so it’s helpful to see all perspectives, even if, in the end, you don’t agree.
Even if you weren’t in a happy relationship, you need to mourn the end of it. You both agreed to spend your lives together, and this is one of the deepest types of intimacy two people can share. So, it’s very normal to feel a painful and uncomfortable void in your life.
Acknowledging your emotions is the first step of this process, but you can’t stop there. It’s necessary to deal with them. Keep in mind, though, that everyone is different and you should do what feels most adequate to you and in your own time.
Along with the process of mourning the end of your marriage, talking is very important. You’ll have a rush of feelings and it helps to have someone to talk through them.
Having good friends to share these moments with is very helpful– not only to talk, but also to provide support with the new sense of solitude that can be difficult in this moment.
Even though friends are essential, it can feel satisfying to be able to talk, without any kind of filter, about what you’re feeling. A professional can also facilitate sessions that address the right kinds of questions and finding your own path moving forward.
Give yourself time to stop and reflect upon everything that happened–how you feel in the present moment and how you would like to feel at the end of the healing process. When we’re in long-term relationships, it’s common to lose ourselves, and the quiet will help you find yourself again.
It is important to emphasize time. There’s no right or wrong amount of time, when dealing with a divorce. Don’t rush yourself to be or to feel something that doesn’t feel aligned.
It’s very important to keep in mind that you’ll feel like you’re on a roller-coaster of emotions. You won’t feel like you’re currently feeling forever. Things will start to make sense again, at some point, and you will begin to feel like yourself. When the time comes (and it will come), you’ll wake up and the pain will be gone. You won’t feel sad and your grief will be over, like it never happened. This will be the moment to look at yourself and rediscover who you are, the things that you love, and how you want your life to be from now on. It’s a little bit like looking at a blank canvas or a blank page — you’ll start to write your own story again.
Keep in mind that this’s an amazing opportunity, to start over fresh and chose your life moving forward. So, don’t waste any time: look at yourself and at your life with love, compassion and kindness.
You are the love of life, so make yourself the best company you can possibly be.